me, the expert?

I went to my first local MoMs club meeting on thursday. It was so nice!! I had discovered them when I was abt 5 months pregnant and never made it to a meeting b/c of the bedrest. I went to their fall garage sale (and got a bangin' deal on a PNP for $20!) in october and by the 2nd week of november I was at home on bedrest.

Well, they were suppose to have a guest speaker about going green, which I was interested in, but they never showed up. So they left the floor open for introductions and questions!! AND they had split up the tables by LO's age, so that was nice too, which was easy to start up conversations w/ others. I got so lucky for my meeting!

My table was the "0 to 9 months" and I was the only one not pregnant, so the 3 chickies were ALL ABOUT asking questions and comparing the things they were looking up to what I'm doing.

:)

It felt soooo weird! I was just blogging abt how I felt like the outsider or that I wasn't going to "fit in" when I saw the MoMs at the spring garage sale, and here I was giving the newbies, like me, advise and tips! Hee hee! They were so cute, looking and listening to me w/ bright eyes and smiles, like I was all-knowing - yet w/ "only" 2.5 months of experience.

I think I'm going to join the club. It really did make me feel like I'd have support when it came to new mommyhood AND the multiples aspect. So, I'm glad I went and plan to be able to again.

sleep regression

The boys were sleeping beautifully until.... last week. Coinsidence? I think NOT!

Pfft!

I mean it could be a number of things, but I have a feeling it has to do w/ MIL. I hate to make the posts abt MIL-bashing (that's why I write a positive thing at the end) but I guess that's what I'm dealing with right now..... MIL!

hOops started the trend. And it doesn't surprise me b/c yOyo is a bigger "pet bolly". (After giving birth my brain was so fried I interchanged letters/words all the time and one day I meant to say "pot belly piggy" and I said "pet bolly" instead and we laughed so hard, the nickname stuck, hee hee) well, after 2 nights of hOops SLEEPING 7 hours (8 hr between feedings) yOyo followed suit and HunHun and I were getting a good chunk of sleep each!

They weren't waking up at the same time, but only waking up once was great for us! We were making progress!!

Well, last week that all changed. They BOTH went back to 4 hour blocks in between eating, so that's really less than 4 hours of sleep! Grrrrr!!!

Here are my theories: MIL has them overstimulated, the sips of water in between feedings, eating and napping schedule is off, or a growth spurt. Oh yea, and missing mommy?? Lol

But seriously, something threw them off. And after MIL asked this morning how the boys spent the night, we tell her and she says... "yea, but that was MONTHS ago that they slept that long!!" As if we were making this up! And HunHun and I both stopped her and told her it was up until last week. She stopped and paused. Then told me "I" HAVE to adjust my feeding schedule and amount of formula I give them at night - to INCREASE the amounts! Uhm, yea... really? Increase the amount of milk on the feedings we're trying to eventually have eliminated?! HunHun interrupted and told her, they were sleeping the 7 hours on 5 oz versus the 6 oz we started them up on during the day (to cut back on MON ounces).

Grrr! That's the sort of stuff I mean. We tell her what's going on, w/o really saying she's at fault and she turns to tell me how to do it her way!

So, after a discussion w/ HunHun on the way to work, we decided to keep monitoring what MIL writes on the chart and give it until next week, since we're mid week already. Maybe it IS a growth spurt after all.... and hopefully when they adjust to MIL and get over this regression we'll all be back to sleeping longer stretches!

why are you over-reacting?

That's what HunHun said to me last night. I usually don't post abt what happens w/ me and HunHun b/c I know it passes and the ugly post will be here forever, so I tend to try and let it pass and move on. But this time, I'm upset and I know some of you will understand.

Well, as most of you know, I returned to work last week. And to touch on that, yes it was hard to leave and be away all day. Going home is the best part of the day and that time and ride home can't happen fast enough. You just want to get home and see what you've missed all day..

Anyway, I think I mentiond that MIL is watching the boys. And I've had my insecurities and concerns w/ this for a while now. For a reason or another that pops in my head, I get uneasy abt leaving them w/ her. It was never about not trusting her, but mostly the fact that it's 2 newborns plus my neice which is only abt 1.5 months older than the boys.. That's a lot of work!

Well, the first day I was so concerned abt how the boys wld behave, I cld hardly think of anything else (like the drama at my job w/ my LOA). But when I got home, I saw everyone was cool and collected, no stressed faces or tension in the air. So that made it easier to leave the next day and the following.

Until..... she confessed something to me.

I won't go in to detail here, but it made me feel I couldn't trust her w/ EVERYTHING. So you have an idea, its abt her thinking she knows best and taking the reigns in to her own hands. I knew she has the kind of strong character to try and dictate how things will go, while making it seem it's your idea and that she's not imposing. So, I knew early on, I'd have to be adamant and strong w/ her abt what I want.

Well, I told HunHun what I learned and he listened and told me not to worry, that she wouldn't do something of the sort w/ us and the boys. But it wasn't enough to calm my nerves. I spent the whole day going over and over her confession. She said it so non-chalant! It didn't bother her at all!

The weekend came and I spoke to HunHun abt how I want her to follow our lead not the other way around. I don't want her getting it twisted, that b/c she spends more dayhours w/ the boys, that she'll be telling ME how to do things, instead of her following what we want for them. And get it across w/o her shutting me up mid-sentence to tell me she was a mother before a grandma...

There were a couple of things we needed to touch on:
- no daytime swaddling
- no boppies to sleep on
- tummy time at some point
- stay stay stay on feeding schedule

We mentioned these and she said ok.. She's even writing it all down for me to see when I get home. Last night, I go into the bathroom and see the "bedtime / calming" purple baby wash. So I say "omg! She's using this in the day??" and HunHun cuts me off to say that he took it out, but that she hadn't used it and that why was I over-reacting?!

Does he not get it? Did he forget what she told me last week? Nope! He's just not worried abt it. I explain to him, I'm not over reacting, I'm just saying out loud what I think when I see the night time soap outside. He accussed me of not trusting her at all, which I'll admit sometimes does feel that way. But really what it comes down to is the fact that I'm not home anymore. I feel I'm not running things anymore b/c she cuts me off when I try to explain things. Or rather, use to, b/c I wasn't having it this morning. I had a way of doing things and she came in and decided her way was best. Yes, she's said it to me just like that. "Oh, this is better, so I'm going to and start buying, doing, etc..." I had to stop her on friday! She almost up and changed the whole bottle system w/o even asking! Wtf??!

I think the confusion lies in the fact that she's not only the nanny/daycare worker but the grandmother so she seems to think she's got more of a say. And you know what, I gladly welcome any suggestions or tricks you find work in calming/soothing or entertaining and napping, but don't come tell me how to do things or that your way is better. It doesn't work that way. At least not to my face!

So... I'm trying not to let the little things get to me b/c I'll be stressing all day long, everyday thinking of what is happening out of my control. As for the trust issue, I'm working on that, while double-checking her tracks when I get home. It sucks ass I have to do it, but I'm not going to let her think she pull one over me w/ my own kids, in my own home.

And to give her a little bit of a positive note... she seems to handling it well. She hasn't broken down to us yet, she's got patience for this, it seems.

it's getting easier, I guess

Getting up for the morning after feeding a baby only 1.5 or 2 hours earlier is tough, man. Thankfully the boys are letting us sleep from abt 10 to 4am, so we rest nicely, but from 4 to 6 we only get an hour to 1.5 hour nap, so waking up from THAT is harder than waking up at 4.

I get up and get dressed, fix myself and then wash overnight nipples to prep the day bottles w/ measured water and leave the measured formula in the a.vent formula cup. Bring the diaper caddy to the living room and re-up on diapers, wipes, a&d, etc.. Make sure there are blankets for kids and the couch available. Burp cloths/bibs in the caddy. Pick out clothes, so she doesn't have to spend time doing that.

The last 3 mornings have gone well. HunHun helps w/ the bottles and caddy sometimes, and he takes care of letting out/ bringing in the dogs.

Leaving is easy, for the most part, b/c they're usually asleep, so I whisper good-byes and hardly touch them so I don't wake them. Being away is the hard part. Not calling is hard too.

I only call once a day. It's for a couple of reasons. First, I know, personally, it's a PITN to have someone call and "check in" everyday. It gets repetitive when it's for the same reason and it feels like they're checking in on YOU instead of the babies. Also, I know the day gets busy at times, so having the phone ring several times a day is frustrating b/c sometimes you can't get to it. And lastly, MIL was having issues we didn't trust her for some reason, so I don't want her feeling that by my calling, b/c I don't want it to affect the care of the boys.

But, what makes it easier everyday, is when I see the boys when I get home. They are happy and "clean" and not looking like they've had a stressing day. The look on MIL's face is reassuring too. SHE doesn't look stressed either, in fact she looks incredibly happy and in good spirits, so I know she's had a good day, which means the kids did too.

Yesterday I got home and hugged and told the boys how much I missed them. BUT, tuesday afternoon, I cried bad. I think I spent most of the evening crying. The boys were cranky and started crying. MIL had told me they hadn't cried all day, b/c she was making sure they stayed happy and content. HunHun confirmed this b/c he was home early (even took a nap!). So when they started crying with me, I broke down. How was it I spent 2 months w/ them and still didn't "get it" but MIL had them for a day and they were 'little angels'? I felt like they were happier w/ her than me. After carrying them and talking to them for a bit, I realized they were just tired and ready for bedtime. And they MUST'VE missed me b/c they wanted me to carry them and be close to them. So instead of feeling rejected/replaced I felt loved and missed. :) don't know how much a 2 month old can miss their mom but that's what I'm now chalking up their cranky/want mommy evening attitude to. Haha.

All in all, it is getting easier. The leaving, being away and trusting we'll all be ok is working out. And I'm glad about it. :)

hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work i go

i go back to work tomorrow.

after (almost to the day) 4 months of being home to take care of hOops and yOyo, i'm leaving them behind to rejoin civilization and other adults for 8 hours a day.

even though the boys are only 2 months (yesterday!!), i've been home for double that due to the bedrest, remember? yea, i had to throw that out there, b/c i'm such a horrible blogger w/in the last year or so thati figure ya'll might have forgotten what i've even posted. 2 months of bedrest, is still considered taking care of the boys. just a different kind of care. everyone that asks, is surprised when i tell them i return now, at 2 months post partum. and when i remind them of the bedrest, they say, "oh right.." and trail off, as if that didn't really count. as if i just sat on my ass all day for 2 months, watching tv and laying down. pfft!! well, uhm, THAT is what i did, but i was careful to keep the babies safe. ;) everytime i think of the bedrest days, now that the boys are here, i realize how important it was that i was home and able to keep them in until i did.

anyway, i've been home for way too long. i miss being out there and having a "routine". that part i'm excited and happy about. but of course, along w/ that comes my sad heart that i'm leaving the boys behind. that i won't be with them. that i won't be able to look back from the kitchen and see that they're okay in their bouncers. that i won't be able to just look at them while they swing or nap and be thankful to have them in my life. that i won't be able get up nice and slow w/ them to start our day. that i won't have anymore "photoshoots" when they're awake, changed and in a good mood. that i won't be there, period.

i've teared up a couple of times, as i type this included, but i cried when i kissed them before giving them their bottle before putting them down to sleep for the night. i wanted to kiss them good before they got all sleepy. i know i'll feed them again tonight and see them in the morning before i go, but really when they're half-asleep, i don't want to wake them up.

i thought i was ready to leave them, b/c i'm so ready to return to work. but in the last couple of days, i've learned, one doesn't equal the other.

i'm going to miss them.