why are you over-reacting?

That's what HunHun said to me last night. I usually don't post abt what happens w/ me and HunHun b/c I know it passes and the ugly post will be here forever, so I tend to try and let it pass and move on. But this time, I'm upset and I know some of you will understand.

Well, as most of you know, I returned to work last week. And to touch on that, yes it was hard to leave and be away all day. Going home is the best part of the day and that time and ride home can't happen fast enough. You just want to get home and see what you've missed all day..

Anyway, I think I mentiond that MIL is watching the boys. And I've had my insecurities and concerns w/ this for a while now. For a reason or another that pops in my head, I get uneasy abt leaving them w/ her. It was never about not trusting her, but mostly the fact that it's 2 newborns plus my neice which is only abt 1.5 months older than the boys.. That's a lot of work!

Well, the first day I was so concerned abt how the boys wld behave, I cld hardly think of anything else (like the drama at my job w/ my LOA). But when I got home, I saw everyone was cool and collected, no stressed faces or tension in the air. So that made it easier to leave the next day and the following.

Until..... she confessed something to me.

I won't go in to detail here, but it made me feel I couldn't trust her w/ EVERYTHING. So you have an idea, its abt her thinking she knows best and taking the reigns in to her own hands. I knew she has the kind of strong character to try and dictate how things will go, while making it seem it's your idea and that she's not imposing. So, I knew early on, I'd have to be adamant and strong w/ her abt what I want.

Well, I told HunHun what I learned and he listened and told me not to worry, that she wouldn't do something of the sort w/ us and the boys. But it wasn't enough to calm my nerves. I spent the whole day going over and over her confession. She said it so non-chalant! It didn't bother her at all!

The weekend came and I spoke to HunHun abt how I want her to follow our lead not the other way around. I don't want her getting it twisted, that b/c she spends more dayhours w/ the boys, that she'll be telling ME how to do things, instead of her following what we want for them. And get it across w/o her shutting me up mid-sentence to tell me she was a mother before a grandma...

There were a couple of things we needed to touch on:
- no daytime swaddling
- no boppies to sleep on
- tummy time at some point
- stay stay stay on feeding schedule

We mentioned these and she said ok.. She's even writing it all down for me to see when I get home. Last night, I go into the bathroom and see the "bedtime / calming" purple baby wash. So I say "omg! She's using this in the day??" and HunHun cuts me off to say that he took it out, but that she hadn't used it and that why was I over-reacting?!

Does he not get it? Did he forget what she told me last week? Nope! He's just not worried abt it. I explain to him, I'm not over reacting, I'm just saying out loud what I think when I see the night time soap outside. He accussed me of not trusting her at all, which I'll admit sometimes does feel that way. But really what it comes down to is the fact that I'm not home anymore. I feel I'm not running things anymore b/c she cuts me off when I try to explain things. Or rather, use to, b/c I wasn't having it this morning. I had a way of doing things and she came in and decided her way was best. Yes, she's said it to me just like that. "Oh, this is better, so I'm going to and start buying, doing, etc..." I had to stop her on friday! She almost up and changed the whole bottle system w/o even asking! Wtf??!

I think the confusion lies in the fact that she's not only the nanny/daycare worker but the grandmother so she seems to think she's got more of a say. And you know what, I gladly welcome any suggestions or tricks you find work in calming/soothing or entertaining and napping, but don't come tell me how to do things or that your way is better. It doesn't work that way. At least not to my face!

So... I'm trying not to let the little things get to me b/c I'll be stressing all day long, everyday thinking of what is happening out of my control. As for the trust issue, I'm working on that, while double-checking her tracks when I get home. It sucks ass I have to do it, but I'm not going to let her think she pull one over me w/ my own kids, in my own home.

And to give her a little bit of a positive note... she seems to handling it well. She hasn't broken down to us yet, she's got patience for this, it seems.