it's getting easier, I guess

Getting up for the morning after feeding a baby only 1.5 or 2 hours earlier is tough, man. Thankfully the boys are letting us sleep from abt 10 to 4am, so we rest nicely, but from 4 to 6 we only get an hour to 1.5 hour nap, so waking up from THAT is harder than waking up at 4.

I get up and get dressed, fix myself and then wash overnight nipples to prep the day bottles w/ measured water and leave the measured formula in the a.vent formula cup. Bring the diaper caddy to the living room and re-up on diapers, wipes, a&d, etc.. Make sure there are blankets for kids and the couch available. Burp cloths/bibs in the caddy. Pick out clothes, so she doesn't have to spend time doing that.

The last 3 mornings have gone well. HunHun helps w/ the bottles and caddy sometimes, and he takes care of letting out/ bringing in the dogs.

Leaving is easy, for the most part, b/c they're usually asleep, so I whisper good-byes and hardly touch them so I don't wake them. Being away is the hard part. Not calling is hard too.

I only call once a day. It's for a couple of reasons. First, I know, personally, it's a PITN to have someone call and "check in" everyday. It gets repetitive when it's for the same reason and it feels like they're checking in on YOU instead of the babies. Also, I know the day gets busy at times, so having the phone ring several times a day is frustrating b/c sometimes you can't get to it. And lastly, MIL was having issues we didn't trust her for some reason, so I don't want her feeling that by my calling, b/c I don't want it to affect the care of the boys.

But, what makes it easier everyday, is when I see the boys when I get home. They are happy and "clean" and not looking like they've had a stressing day. The look on MIL's face is reassuring too. SHE doesn't look stressed either, in fact she looks incredibly happy and in good spirits, so I know she's had a good day, which means the kids did too.

Yesterday I got home and hugged and told the boys how much I missed them. BUT, tuesday afternoon, I cried bad. I think I spent most of the evening crying. The boys were cranky and started crying. MIL had told me they hadn't cried all day, b/c she was making sure they stayed happy and content. HunHun confirmed this b/c he was home early (even took a nap!). So when they started crying with me, I broke down. How was it I spent 2 months w/ them and still didn't "get it" but MIL had them for a day and they were 'little angels'? I felt like they were happier w/ her than me. After carrying them and talking to them for a bit, I realized they were just tired and ready for bedtime. And they MUST'VE missed me b/c they wanted me to carry them and be close to them. So instead of feeling rejected/replaced I felt loved and missed. :) don't know how much a 2 month old can miss their mom but that's what I'm now chalking up their cranky/want mommy evening attitude to. Haha.

All in all, it is getting easier. The leaving, being away and trusting we'll all be ok is working out. And I'm glad about it. :)