hi ho, hi ho, it's off to work i go

i go back to work tomorrow.

after (almost to the day) 4 months of being home to take care of hOops and yOyo, i'm leaving them behind to rejoin civilization and other adults for 8 hours a day.

even though the boys are only 2 months (yesterday!!), i've been home for double that due to the bedrest, remember? yea, i had to throw that out there, b/c i'm such a horrible blogger w/in the last year or so thati figure ya'll might have forgotten what i've even posted. 2 months of bedrest, is still considered taking care of the boys. just a different kind of care. everyone that asks, is surprised when i tell them i return now, at 2 months post partum. and when i remind them of the bedrest, they say, "oh right.." and trail off, as if that didn't really count. as if i just sat on my ass all day for 2 months, watching tv and laying down. pfft!! well, uhm, THAT is what i did, but i was careful to keep the babies safe. ;) everytime i think of the bedrest days, now that the boys are here, i realize how important it was that i was home and able to keep them in until i did.

anyway, i've been home for way too long. i miss being out there and having a "routine". that part i'm excited and happy about. but of course, along w/ that comes my sad heart that i'm leaving the boys behind. that i won't be with them. that i won't be able to look back from the kitchen and see that they're okay in their bouncers. that i won't be able to just look at them while they swing or nap and be thankful to have them in my life. that i won't be able get up nice and slow w/ them to start our day. that i won't have anymore "photoshoots" when they're awake, changed and in a good mood. that i won't be there, period.

i've teared up a couple of times, as i type this included, but i cried when i kissed them before giving them their bottle before putting them down to sleep for the night. i wanted to kiss them good before they got all sleepy. i know i'll feed them again tonight and see them in the morning before i go, but really when they're half-asleep, i don't want to wake them up.

i thought i was ready to leave them, b/c i'm so ready to return to work. but in the last couple of days, i've learned, one doesn't equal the other.

i'm going to miss them.