transition - to be continued

first, i want to give a huge thank you to those of you that left me a comment and support on my last post and on mel's barren advice on tuesday. it means a lot to me that what i'm (and the blog) are going through is not only in my head or "just me". it helps me to know that i'm not alone nor the first to go through this, and that i won't be alone as i go through it. i know i'm going to be transitioning this blog soon, and i'm still trying to find a way and THE way to do it. in the meantime, i may be writing and posting abt whatever comes about. maybe it'll be a bit slower until i find my footing though..

well, let me share what happened to me a couple of days ago. i went to the bookstore and went to the 'childcare and families' section (or whatever it's called). i've been to this section quite a couple of times b/c that's where the TTC stuff is too, except this time, i was looking for another book. and really, when other chicks are there, i feel as though "they" aren't there looking for IF or TTC things - but maybe that's the self-conscienceness of this whole thing. anyway, i walked up to the bookshelf, alone. there was another chick there holding a baby. as soon as i turned the corner, i caught her attention and she looked over at me. but she didn't only take a quick glance and keep scanning the shelf for what she was looking for.. she looked at me in the face, looked down to my belly and i automatically saw a question on her face (it was her eyebrows that gave her away). i still have a bit of a bump 'leftover' and MAYBE that's what caught her attention, but i felt for a second the way i did before i was pg and i got "that look". i felt judged or as if "only a baby bump" or a child in my arms would validate my being in that section. i know it may be that she wasn't thinking this, but for a second, i felt like i did when i was still TTC, which to me wasn't THAT long ago.

maybe i'm self-conscience, maybe i'm just super alert to IF, or maybe i am having a harder time 'transitioning' from being a "childless infertile" to a mom.